ÇA Chinese childÈ "An American is a man with two arms and four wheels". ÇA. C. BensonÈ I believe in instinct, not in reason. When reason is right, nine times out of ten it is impotent, and when it prevails, nine times out of ten it is wrong. ÇA. EinsteinÈ As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. ÇA. EinsteinÈ Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy. ÇAdam Smith, (1723-1790)È It was not by gold or by silver, but by labour that all wealth of the world was originally purchased; and its value, to those who possess it, and who want to exchange it for some new productions, is precisely equal to the quantity of labour which it can enable them to purchase or command. ÇAlexander KordaÈ It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. ÇAlexandre Dumas, PereÈ Nothing succeeds like success. ÇAlfred Adler (1870-1937)È It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them. ÇAmbrose BierceÈ Contempt, n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed. ÇAmbrose BierceÈ Marriage: a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves -- making in all two. ÇAmbrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"È Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. ÇAmbrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"È Cynic, n.: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision. ÇAmbrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"È Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. ÇAnatole France, (1844-1924)È Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. ÇAndrew JacksonÈ Every good citizen makes his country's honor his own, and cherishes it not only as precious but as sacred. He is willing to risk his life in its defense and is conscious that he gains protection while he gives it. ÇAntal DoratiÈ A great symphony orchestra should be savored like cognac. Lift the filled glass to the light. Admire the amber hue. Swirl. Sniff. Then set it down and talk about it for half an hour. ÇÈ Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it. ÇAristotleÈ No one loves the man whom he fears. ÇArnold BennettÈ Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like. ÇAtterburyÈ Hospitality to the better sort, and charity to the poor; two virtues that are never exercised so well as when they accompany each other. ÇAugustineÈ Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw it out, but which can only be done by the destruction of the wood. ÇBanacekÈ If the butterfly had teeth like the tiger he would never make it out of the hangar. ÇBen FranklinÈ A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. ÇBen JohnsonÈ Many might go to heaven with half the labor they go to hell. ÇBernard ShawÈ People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I do not believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them. ÇBertrand Russell , (1872-1967)È Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. ÇBertrand RussellÈ Christ believed in hell. I do not myself feel that any person who is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment. ÇBill GrayÈ A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological rococo. ÇButlerÈ Authority intoxicates, And makes mere sots of magistrates. The fumes of it invade the brain, And make men giddy, proud and vain; By this the fool commands the wise The noble with the base complies. The sot assumes the rule of wit, And cowards make the base submit. ÇByronÈ Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure. ÇC. M. and G. A. MaxsonÈ A robot gigantic and grand For desalinization was planned, And tested with bales Of Chaucerian tales That came out insipid and bland. ÇCarl SchurzÈ Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right; when wrong, to be put right. ÇCarl ZwanzigÈ Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... ÇCharles D. HartmanÈ Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. ÇChesterfieldÈ A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones. ÇChesterfieldÈ Compliments or congratulations are always kindly taken, and cost nothing but pen, ink, and paper. I consider them as draughts upon good breeding, where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer. ÇClare Boothe Luce, (1903-?)È Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, lessens the friction of social contacts.... It is only in lies, wholeheartedly and bravely told, that human nature attains through words and speech the forbearance, the nobility, the romance, the idealism, that -- being what it is -- it falls so short of in fact and in deed. ÇClarence DayÈ If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance you won't have any. ÇColtonÈ Criticism is like champagne, nothing more execrable if bad, nothing more excellent if good; if meagre, muddy vapid, and sour, both are fit only to engender colic and wind; but if rich, generous and sparkling, they improve the taste, expand the heart, and are worthy of being introduced at the symposium of the gods. ÇColtonÈ If an author write better than his contemporaries, they will term him a plagiarist; if as well, a pretender; but if worse, he may stand some chance of commendation as a genius of some promise, from whom much may be expected by a due attention to their good counsel and advice. Ç"Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and UtensilsÈ Lobster:Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked. The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be, too. ÇCowperÈ Absence of occupation is not rest A mind quite vacent is a mind distress'd. ÇD. H. Lawrence (1885-1930)È If a woman hasn't got a tiny streak of a harlot in her, she's a dry stick as a rule. Ç Dave BarryÈ Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. ÇDave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"È Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up. ÇDave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What EveryÈ Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have orgasms? The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime. ÇDave Barry, "The Snake"È "I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative nerve disease." ÇDave Barry, "The Snake"È Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table. ÇDave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"È Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they have a food section specializing in cardboard cartons full of Raisinets and malted milk balls manufactured during the Nixon administration. In either the hardware or housewares department, you'll find an item imported from an obscure Oriental country and described as "Nine Tools in One", consisting of a little handle with interchangeable ends representing inscrutable Oriental notions of tools that Americans might use around the home. Buy it. This is the kind of tool set professionals use. Not only is it inexpensive, but it also has a great safety feature not found in the so-called quality tools sets: The handle will actually break right off if you accidentally hit yourself or anything else, or expose it to direct sunlight. ÇDave MaynardÈ Did you know that married men live longer than single men? So, if you want to die a slow death, get married!!! ÇDavid EllisÈ A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first. Çdeepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.Henry ClayÈ Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike ÇDennis M. RitchieÈ A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. ÇDorothy ParkerÈ Art is a form of catharsis. ÇDorothy ParkerÈ I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not a single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that anymore. ÇDr. Leo TroyÈ Law of Local Anesthesia: Never say "oops" in the operating room. ÇDr. Thomas JonesÈ Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate. ÇEbenezer ScroogeÈ No matter what the product or service might be, you can always find it somewhere else cheaper! ÇEd Nather, professor of astronomy at UT AustinÈ A University without students is like an ointment without a fly." ÇEdgar R. FiedlerÈ Forecasters tend to learn less and less about more and more, until in the end they know nothing about everything. ÇEdgar R. FiedlerÈ If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast is a camel's behind. ÇEdgar R. FiedlerÈ Lord, please let me find a one-armed economist so we won't always hear "On the other hand..." ÇEdmund C. BerkeleyÈ Check the answer you have worked out once more -- before you tell it to anybody. ÇEdna St. Vincent MillayÈ My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -- It gives a lovely light. ÇEdward G. Bulwer-LyttonÈ Common sense is only a modification of talent. Genius is an exaltation of it. The difference is, therefore, in degree, not nature. ÇEmile Henry GauvreayÈ I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike. ÇEugene O'NeillÈ One should either be sad or joyful. Contentment is a warm sty for eaters and sleepers. ÇFMS Project LeaderÈ Architecture: Whatever we choose to implement. ÇFoghorn LeghornÈ "Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." ÇFriedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)È Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. Çfrom the Brown Security Crime Prevention PamphletÈ Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help. ÇG. B. Shaw (1856-1950)È He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. ÇG. B. ShawÈ A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. ÇGene FranklinÈ Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises. It will then over-react. ÇGeorge R. KirkpatrickÈ Nature gave man two ends -- one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. ÇGeorge SantayanaÈ Miracles are so called because they excite wonder. In unphilosophical minds, any rare or unexpected thing excites wonder, while in philosophical minds the familiar excites wonder also. ÇGeorge SantayanaÈ Nothing is so poor and melancholy as art that is interested in itself and not in it's subject. ÇGilbert K. ChestersonÈ Courage is almost a contradiction in terms: it means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die. ÇGraham SummerÈ If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. ÇHamish SankovÈ ... and living was just a way of passing time until he died. ÇHareÈ Since the generality of persons act from impulse much more than from principle, men are neither so good nor so bad as we are apt to think them. ÇHenri PoincareÈ It is by logic that we prove, but by intuition that we discover. ÇHenry David ThoreauÈ Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.Leo Rosten ÇHunter S. ThompsonÈ I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. ÇÈ I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. ÇIsaac NewtonÈ God is able to create particles of matter of several sizes and figures ... and perhaps of different densities and forces, and thereby to vary the laws of Nature, and make worlds of several sorts in several parts of the Universe. At least, I see nothing in contradiction in all this. ÇItalo BomboliniÈ Ingratitude is the crack in the sewer that turns the sweet waters of life into a running shit pot. Ç Jack KirwanÈ If nuclear ... therefore it must be bad; Denounce such power with a protest squeal. The scientists made it (surely they're all mad), It's better not to think and just to feel. ÇJacob A. VarelaÈ If you wish to make a superior product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior product. ÇJane PorterÈ I never yet heard man or woman much abused that I was not inclined to think the better of them, and to transfer the suspicion or dislike to the one who found pleasure in pointing out the defects of another. ÇJean-Francois RevelÈ Authoritarian socialism has failed almost everywhere, but you will find not a single Marxist who will say it has failed because it was wrong or impractical. He will say is has failed because nobody went far enough with it. So failure never proves that a myth is wrong. ÇJehan ShumanÈ "For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of a thousand years ago. Why not, then, the last step of doing away with computers altogether?" ÇJim PastoreÈ On alcohol: four is one more than more than enough. ÇJohn Carrol, San Francisco ChronicleÈ Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month. According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China. The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole". Bite the wax tadpole. There is a sort of rough justice, is there not? The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad, but broad satiric vistas do not open up. ÇJohn CiardiÈ A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. ÇJohn CulshawÈ Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at at very high level for a short time. ÇJohn F. KennedyÈ Now the trumpet summons us again -- not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need -- not as a call to battle, though embattled we are -- but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation" -- a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself. ÇJohn SteinbeckÈ Okie use' to mean you was from Oklahoma. Now it means you're scum. Don't mean nothing itself, it's the way they say it. ÇJules FeifferÈ I know she's alive. I saw her lip curl. ÇJules RenardÈ Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you. ÇJustice Learned HandÈ I do not know how it is with you, but for myself I generally give up at the outset. The simplest problems which come up from day to day seem to me quite unanswerable as soon as I try to get below the surface. ÇKroneckerÈ God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. ÇL. R. PiersonÈ If you're coasting, you're going downhill. ÇLarry LongÈ As a rule, go with state-of-the-art technology (but don't be first). ÇLazarus LongÈ Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so. ÇLazarus LongÈ History does not record anywhere, at any time, a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to face the unknown without help. But like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it. ÇLazarus LongÈ No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and, in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their sons: "Come back with your shield, or on it". Later on this custom declined. So did Rome. ÇLeith (Casey) LeedomÈ "If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot to send it. But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail. And if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa is down and think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive Net Mail ..." ÇLouis AgassizÈ Facts are stupid until brought into connection with some general law. ÇLowellÈ Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action. ÇLyndon B. JohnsonÈ For this is what America is all about. It is the uncrossed desert and the unclimbed ridge. It is the star that is not reached and the harvest that's sleeping in the unplowed ground. ÇMagnus RidolfÈ Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor it. The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed ambition falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be the savor of superior understanding? Ç.Mark TwainÈ Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society ÇMichael Frayn, "The Tin Men"È And this is a table ma'am. What in essence it consists of is a horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical columnar supports, which we call legs. The tables in this laboratory, ma'am, are as advanced in design as one will find anywhere in the world. ÇMicheal KinsleyÈ If you accept the necessity for freedom of expression, it follows that in an intellectual controversy any attempt to coerce rather than to persuade ... is not merely an offense against the person so coerced, but an erosion of the mechanics which make free expression work, and therefore make it possible. ÇMichel de MontaigneÈ I consider myself an average man, except in the fact that I consider myself an average man. ÇMike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"È Encyclopedia Salesmen: Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled. ÇMike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"È In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you. ÇNapoleon BonaparteÈ A army's effectiveness depends on its size, training, experience and morale ... and morale is worth more than all the other factors combined. ÇNero WolfeÈ Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. ÇNew York Times, Jan. 20, 1981È A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. ÇNiccolo MachiavelliÈ Fortune is a woman. It is necessary, if you wish to master her, to take her by force before she has a chance to resist. ÇNiccolo MachiavelliÈ Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. ÇNorman Vincent PealeÈ Put God to work for you and maximize your potential in our divinely ordered capitalist system. ÇOgden NashÈ Love is a word that is constantly heard, Hate is a word that is not. Love, I am told, is more precious than gold. Love, I have read, is hot. But hate is the verb that to me is superb, And Love but a drug on the mart. Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art. ÇOliver J. HartÈ Give us fortitude to endure the things which cannot be changed, and the courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to know one from the other. ÇOliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.È Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming." ÇPhyllis DillerÈ Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ÇPoor Richard.È Fish and visitors stink in three days. ÇPoor Richard.È Fools make feasts and wise men eat them. ÇPsychologist Layne LongfellowÈ Elevator Rules: 1. Face forward. 2. Fold hands in front of genitals. 3. Do not make eye contact. 4. Watch the numbers. 5. Don't talk to anyone you don't know. 6. Stop talking with anyone you do know when anyone you don't know enters the elevator. 7. Avoid brushing bodies. ÇR. EmersonÈ "By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent." ÇRecent Chinese ProverbÈ Confucius say too much. ÇRich Hall, "Sniglets"È Idiot Box, n.: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves. ÇRich Hall, "Sniglets"È Schwiggle, n.: The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil. ÇRichard CloptonÈ For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill. ÇRobert BurnsÈ Burn's Hog Weighing Method: (1) Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse. (2) Put the hog on one end of the plank. (3) Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again perfectly balanced. (4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks. ÇRobert Charles BenchleyÈ Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. ÇRobert TownsendÈ How do you spot a leader? They come in all ages, shapes and conditions. Some are poor administrators, some are not overly bright. One clue: the true leader can be recognized because somehow his people consistently turn in superior performances. ÇRoger Ascham, (ca. 1550)È Mark all Mathematical heads which be wholly and only bent on these sciences, how solitary they be themselves, how unfit to live with other, how unapt to serve the world. ÇRoy L. AshÈ Our policy is: When in doubt, do the right thing. ÇRoy L. SmithÈ Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability. ÇSam RayburnÈ If you want to get along, go along. ÇSamuel ClemensÈ In order to make [a person] covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. ÇSamuel Goodman Hoffenstein (1890-1946)È Breathes there a man with hide so tough. Who says two sexes aren't enough. ÇSamuel JohnsonÈ "Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature." ÇSandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador toÈ For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something. ÇSenator SoaperÈ Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. ÇShakespeareÈ He must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil. ÇSir William OslerÈ In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs. ÇStanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"È Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact wholly unconcerned with what does exist. Indeed, the banality of existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us todiscuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking theproblem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way... ÇTennysonÈ It is better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all. ÇThe Koran, Sura 40È I am bidden to surrender myself to the Lord of the Worlds. He is it who created you of the dust... ÇThe Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985È At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats. ÇTheodore DreiserÈ Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery and travail. ÇThomas B. Reed, (1839-1902)È One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted. ÇThomas JeffersonÈ For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate error so long as reason is free to combat it. ÇTom GallowayÈ A hypothetical paradox: What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet? ÇTom GibbÈ A system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than of simplification, until the resulting unreliability becomes intolerable. ÇTom GibbÈ Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. ÇTom LehrerÈ Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. ÇTony HoareÈ Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out. ÇU. S. Army (1945)È An American Fascist seeking power would not proclaim that he is a fascist. Fascism always camoulfages its plans and purposes. ... Any fascist attempt made to gain power in America would not use the exact Hitler pattern. It would work under the guise of "super-patriotism" and "super-Americanism". Fascist leaders are neither stupid nor naive. They know that they must hand out a line that "sells". Huey Long is said to have remarked that if Fascism came to America it would be on a program of "Americanism". ÇW. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"È Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. ÇWalter WinchellÈ Bore: A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary. ÇWernher von BraunÈ Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. ÇWilliam Ernest HockingÈ Man is the only animal that contemplates death, and also the only animal that shows any sign of doubt of its finality. ÇWilliam HugginsÈ A community of matter appears to exist throughout the visible universe, for the stars contain many of the elements which exist in the Sun and Earth. It is remarkable that the elements most widely diffused through the host of stars are some of those most closely connected with the living organisms of our globe, including hydrogen, sodium, magnesium, and iron. May it not be that, at least, the brighter stars are like our Sun, the upholding and energizing centres of systems of worlds, adapted to be the abode of living beings? ÇWilson MiznerÈ Be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet them on your way down. ÇWinston ChurchillÈ "I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!" ÇWinston ChurchillÈ A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. ÇWinston ChurchillÈ In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take my advice. ÇWoody AllenÈ Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. ÇWordsworth, Sonnet: The world is Too Much with UsÈ Great God! I'd rather be A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn; So might I, standing on the pleasant lea, Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn, Have sight of Proteus rising form the sea, Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.